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G-Station S-Bux Closing

But only for a week. Then the fun begins!

2016-0127 Wednesday

2016-0127 Wednesday

by JACQUES NECHQUES. Recommended number of wine glasses before reading this piece:   2WG


 

Note: The following article contains a bit 'o satire, interspersed with actual fact. Your job is to figure out which is which.

First of all: Relax.
The Civic Drive Starbucks is only closing for ONE WEEK. Then it'll re-open. Okay? Breathe. Again. Inhale. Exhale. Again... In, out... Deep breaths... This is what we in the industry call "Click Bait." Your coffee is safe.
 

 

sTARBUCKS HAS BEEN ROLLING OUT its new “Evenings” program in selected stores, all over the map—and guess what? Gresham’s Civic Drive location is slated to join those ranks soon. If you've ever wanted to sip a grandé merlot instead of a grandé macchiato, hold on to your wallets (and your "AA" card): The Mermaid is ready to bring you beer and wine now. She'll be serving your evening drinks soon, at her Gresham Station location.

Never mind the decaf, no-whip, triple-shot, gluten-free, four-pump, non-fat, 137°, light-foam latte.

No, it's time to try a Willamette Valley rosé: with notes-of-citrus, baroque-leaning, chocolate-infused, hint-of-moss, stasis-inducing, woody-mushroom, whisper of barky-Cambium-layer, early-renaissance, intimation of varietal Oregon Fescue, Cardassian vintage, sativa-whiffed, bubble-gum-with-wheat/grain-and-hops-(of all things)-laced, Cab—with an oaky afterbirth.

Yes, your Gresham Station Starbucks is going to bring you wine. Yet, not only wine, but fine-crafted beers too.

In what might possibly be the “Broken News” coup that will put The RASH on the cyber map, your man Jacques Nechquesafter multiple interviews, clandestine encounters in the bowels of Gresham parking garages, and the exchange of unmarked manilla envelopes between anonymous (yet certainly reliable) sources—has uncovered specifics:

SbuxAlcSo here we go: First, the Gresham Station Starbucks will be closing on February 14. But fret not: it will reopen on February 21, operating under "limited hours" for a month after that, while the remodel continues. Soon after, it'll re-establish its regular hours.

One highly anonymous city government source (I think I mentioned him in an earlier story: "Smiley") reports that said Mermaid company has filed a remodel permit with the authorities in a certain anonymous city wherein said store is located, AND the estimated cost of the remodel filed with said city is well into “six figures” (not including the figures after the decimal point!). This writer, for one, expects the new look to be impressive. Otherwise I’ll be disappointed. (I mean really: If the Mermaid is spending over a hunderd-grand on a re-do, I expect lavish appointments, Tiffany-level furnishings and at least three-and-a-half-star service when I present my Walmart®-branded debit card. I'm jus' sayin'.)

After it reopens on the 21st o' Feb., one new feature @ the Gresham Station Bux will be the addition of the Clover® Brewing System. According to another of the aforementioned highly anonymous sources (hereafter tagged as “Macchiato Mabel”), Clover® has been (covertly?) operating for many time periods, in very select S-bux houses, all over hell. I think “Mabel” said there’s currently only one in the whole Portland area. At least there’s prolly not any in the Portland area this side of I-205. That is, until the Civic Drive store unveils said Clover® in February. (Sandy Starbucks, eat your heart out.)

The “Evenings” fare (small dinner plates and adult beverages) will come soon after Greshamites have gotten used to Clover®.

Some background from the Gresham Hysterical (or is it Historical?) Society

Starbucks @ Gresham Station opened in 1834, demonstrating amazing foresight by the Seattle-based company, since it would be, like, over 150 years before the Gresham Station mall would even be built. In fact, Starbucks itself wouldn’t even be founded at their Pike Place location until the early 1970s. So, someone in corporate had a clue, apparently.

Unbeknownst to most current Gresham residents, when the Gresham Station store opened in the 19th century, most of its revenue came from its drive-through. (Said drive-through was permanently closed down when the city widened Division to four lanes in the 1960s.) Early customers gave the drive-through very favorable reviews on Yelp. Yet many settlers were confounded and amazed as to how that perky voice was coming out of the box (next to those fancy menu signs) at the beginning of the queue. Other problems were also reported, especially regarding the issue wherein many covered wagons exceeded the height limit of the awning at the pick-up window.

Anyhoo, the astute Greshamite who frequents the Civic Drive store has to have seen the bright neon-green/yellow "application for liquor license" sign in the window. It's been there for many weeks. You had to know what was coming.

I. Mean. Come. On.

Evenings” at Starbucks is being initiated mainly at urban-type stores what have access to mass transit. Locations what get customers who careen off the Interstate, then grab & go, will not be candidates for the new light-dinner menu and alcoholic drinks. So, you can bet you won’t be seeing “Evenings” at locations like the Oregon Trail mall store (Burnside). 

It’s commonly known that many of S-bux’s most profitable outlets are those with drive-throughs. Since its inception, Gresham Station’s store has "bucked" that trend (ever since Division was widened). Gresham Station is a destination location. For many Gresham socialites, the Civic Drive Starbucks is THE place to BE & BE SEEN.

I mean really.

Hence “Evenings” at the Gresham Station Bux is coming. If you want to BE, and/or BE SEEN, in Gresham's Society pages, you're gonna wanna BE (SEEN) sipping a Willamette Valley Riesling at a tall table, Some Enchanted Evening, this spring, at Gresham's premier locale: The Starbucks @ Gresham Station.

Start saving your loose change, and be sure to load up your Starbucks card (and/or app). I look forward to seeing you there!

 

 

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