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You're all a bunch of liars

The RASH's latest poll might possibly be inaccurate.

2016-0223 Tuesday

2016-0223 Tuesday

 by JACQUES NECHQUES. Recommended number of wine glasses before reading this piece:   5WG



tODAY WE'RE going to talk about honesty and telling the truth. They’re basically the same side of the same coin. Why this topic? Because the Board of your RASH believes that some of our CWSs are not being totally honest when taking our polls. Specifically, the poll of last week. To refurbish your memory, the question was, “How do you treat most stop signs?” There were five selected answers available, ranging from an extreme of making a complete and utter stop at the line every time, to blow through it altogether. The results of said poll are available with a single click on the pie, to the right of the following paragraph.

StopSignsThanks to an alert CWS, I was elucidated as to the lopsided, extremely unlikely trend in the poll. Indeed, when the poll was finished and taken down, the results were definitely lopsided and extremely unlikely. As you can see, the fat side of half of all respondents (the red portion of the pie) said that they “come to a complete, utter and total stop at the line, every time. Then if I have to, I’ll creep forward to see cross-traffic.”

Oh really?

When I mentally compared the audacity of that claim—half of the drivers out there come to a total stop at the line every time—with my keen observatorial recollection of my fellow Gresham drivers, I was thunderstruck, if not aghast. Then, when I realized that a whole nother more-than-a-third of you (the yellow part in the pie) claim to not necessarily concern yourselves with the line, but come to a complete stop nevertheless, I was nearly apoplectic. And I don't get apoplectic easy.

Really? To be honest, I couldn’t remember the last time I saw someone come to a complete and utter stop at the line at any intersection controlled by a stop sign.

Then, I called on my extensive educationated background, wherein I took not one, but two statistics classes, back during my undergraduate years. Well, actually I only took one stats class. But I took it twice! Does that count?

Why twice? the CWS undoubtedly wants to know. Simple: I flunked it the first time. But I got an “A” the second time! So, statistically-speaking, I’m at 50% when it comes to knowing stats. That information might be germane to this discussion in a minute, so keep it in mind going forward.

I remember basically (only) two main things from my stats class. To wit:

  1. Approx. 43% of statistics are made up.
  2. In order to get even remotely accurate stats, you gotta have a big enough, and random enough sample.

So, given that only—what—15 people took the poll, I wondered if perhaps it was simply too small of a sampling to reflect the true, honest (see how I brought us back to the theme introduced in the first sentence of this post? They don’t hire just any fool here at The Rash, of Gresham) driving experience of Greshamites. Yet, since the Board really wants to present a fresh, glossy, polished website that is relevant, interesting and better than yours, we decided to engage in some pseudo-journalistic research.

We sent our crack investigative crew out to a busy street corner, some-random-where in Gresham. There, we set up our iPhone (mine’s better’n yours) camera and started recording. The resulting 64 seconds of footage tell a harrowing, revealing, and almost tragic story: It’s one of flagrant deception, falsification, mindless abandon (regarding driving “skills”), and outright fiction when it comes to, you know, telling the truth. At least, that’s what I think. Take a gander by clicking on the pic below (Clip opens in a new window.). You’ll see two things:

  1. We have a really cool “The RASH” “bug” in the lower right corner of the clip.
  2. Of the ten cars what go through the intersection (it’s a four-way stop) only ONE (the first one) comes to a complete stop—but not at the line! And we suspect that car stopped because of cross-traffic.


The fat side of 50% of you treat stops signs religiously? You stop completely—wheels not moving? Pardon? (Forgive me if I question your level of religiosity.)

The other nine vehicles in the clip do not stop AT ALL! Wheels keep rolling the whole time.

So, what can I conclude, except that the vast majority of my readers are a bunch of whining, tall-tale-telling, pretentious, snobby, lane-changing-without-signaling, diddling, liars? Liars all!

“But Jacques,” the CWS is possibly yelling at the computer, “what’s the big deal? Why be such a stickler? For all intents and purposes the drivers are being safe! Do their wheels really need to completely stop turning?”

That, dear CWS, isn’t the point. This article isn’t about following the law—as important as that may be. This article is about honesty. It’s about trust. Truth in poll-taking. It’s about being able to believe anything at all. If I can’t trust my readers, how can you trust me?*

Go ahead, run your stop signs.** Hit those pedestrians in the crosswalk.**

Just, please: Be honest about it. That’s all I’m sayin’.

I ‘spect that next time we have a poll, you’ll be chagrined into clicking more accurately, and honestly, K?

I encourage your emails (confessionary or otherwise) concerning this topic: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

I'm seriously considering sending in this post, with the accompanying film footage, to Nightline, or 20/20 or something. I believe the people need to know. 


*I realize that doesn’t make sense, but I’m writing from a position of emotional brokenness here. Bear with me.







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