Recommended number of wine glasses before reading this legal stuff:
>> By accessing, observing, enjoying, reading and/or in any way otherwise using The RASH of Gresham,
you hereby agree to the following terms, in total, jointly and severally:
I. LIABILITY FROM ERRORS, SLANDER, LIBEL, LIES, MISUSE, USE, AND ANY MISTRUTHS OR MISTAKES (or for that matter, HONEST AND TRUE USAGE OF ANY CONTENT)
The Review-Articulator Sentient-Herald ™, colloquially known as The RASH, of Gresham ™ (hereafter referred to as The RASH ) hereby and forthwith disavows itself from any and all liability (imagined or real) concerning the accuracy, false statements (potential and actual), truth, conciseness, inaccuracy, deception (whether on purpose or not), misinformation, clarity, outright lying and any other shortcoming that may derive from this website. Basically, we can’t guarantee the accuracy or truthfulness of anything we say, post, print, publish, link to, or in any way reference or state. If you read it on The RASH, you might possibly be taking your life in your own hands.
The above paragraph notwithstanding, nor do we guarantee—or even vouch for—the level of humor a Curious Web Surfer (hereafter often referred to as CWS) may enjoy (or suffer) from visiting our fair site. In addition, The RASH may not even be remotely enjoyable for, nor worth the time of, any CWS whatsoever. While your (civil) emails and feedback are welcome regarding the virility, veracity and verdancy of our site’s enjoyment-factor, please keep in mind that if you don’t like it: either change your attitude or leave.
Any and all results, outcomes and/or consequences of a web visitor reading our stuff shall not-in-any-way-possible be the fault of The RASH, of Gresham. Such consequences might include but are not limited to: Losing friends, showing up for an event we announce and having said event not be there (or then), disagreeing with our movie reviews, disagreeing with our Gresham reviews, not liking the fonts we use, throwing the device on which you’re enjoying your The RASH out the window, plotting illegal acts of any kind, taking us too seriously, believing anything you read here, taking any-and-all kinds of action based on what you read here, having an argument at the proverbial (or literal) water cooler about subject matter posted herein, voting, construing The RASH to take a particular viewpoint on any (and every, or no) subject, wondering what the hell the writer of this disclaimer does when he’s not writing this stuff, wondering why said writer of said drivel has so much time on his proverbial (and literal) hands, and anything else we might or might not like.
Every disclaimer cited in this document shall be taken figuratively, metaphorically, literally and blessedly. Each word and letter herein, shall be interpreted to be in force: as a whole, jointly, in couplets, triplets and more-lets, severally, individually, and distinctly. If any phrase (or letter, for that matter) is interpreted by some court (or other legal body--or illegal body for that matter) somewhere to be null-and-void, the rest of this document shall remain, spotless, pure-as-the-wind-driven-snow, true and in effect. Maybe even in affect.
Any results from the use, or misuse, of information presented on this website shall be fun, all the way ‘round. K? If it’s not, it’s not our fault.
All pictures and moving pictures on The RASH, including but not limited to photos and movie clips, are probably “borrowed” from some other site. The RASH of Gresham makes no statement (positive or negative) as to the ownership of said material. Heck, that pretty-much applies to everything on the site, written stuff included.
II. WINE RECOMMENDATIONS
We highly advise the CWS to heed the recommendations for number of glasses of wine to be consumed before reading a given article. Once you’re well-oiled, so to speak, everything seems more fun, and more funnier.
The above-referenced recommendations are not necessarily to be viewed as cumulative; i.e., if you read one post that recommends you have three glasses before reading (and follow that recommendation) then decide that you simply haven’t yet reached the limit of how much RASH you can handle (in any given session), and you decide to read yet another article, and said second article recommends four glasses (say), it is the CWS’s responsibility to determine his/her level of well-oiledness; the CWS should decide for self if said reader needs to imbibe more, or just hope that the previously-consumed beverage will see him/her through.
Some articles may indeed require more than the recommended number of wine glasses. The recommendations are intended to serve as a minimum.
The RASH of Gresham takes no responsibility for the CWS’s drinking habits or actions, including but not limited to any bad or negative outcomes from said getting-well-oiled-enough-to-read-anything-on-this-site, including but not limited to: over-drinking, drunkenness, public intoxication, private intoxication, drunk driving, drunk flying, drunk cooking (although we might make an exception if the dish turns out well), underage drinking, overage drinking (as well as over-age drinking), tee-totaling, missing your AA meeting, missing your AAA meeting, using Whiskey instead of wine (don’t do that unless you change the “glasses” to “shots”), kidney or liver disease, death, spouting off at the mouth (including but not limited to any and all repercussions from said spoutage; for example, losing your job, or causing a relationship malfunction), drunk engineering (of a train), drunk engineering (as in designing—say, a bridge or maybe an outlet [if you happen to be an electrical engineer]), drug interactions (irrespective of whether said drug is legal or illegal, prescribed or otherwise), Drunk History (although that is quite fun to watch—The RASH highly recommends you click), drunk drinking, murder, manslaughter, drunk parking tickets, or any other action—positive or negative—resulting from not controlling yourself and your propensity/proclivity to over-drink.
In short, don’t blame us for your actions. We can barely be be held accountable for our own actions.
The above statements notwithstanding, it is the responsibility of the reader to determine if they are of legal drinking age; minors prolly shouldn’t be here anyway, but if they visit, they are hereby released from the recommended number of wine glasses for all stories, posts and articles—unless said minor lives in Italy, where they spike baby bottles with Burgundy, I'm told.
Additionally, and subtractionally (if necessary), the CWS—and only the CWS—should determine if they want to begin reading any given post before they’ve actually finished with the recommended number of wine glasses. This provision gives said reader the flexibility to drink while they read. Whereas drinking while driving is always wrong, drinking while reading can be a very enjoyable experience. It can, indeed, make the stupidity of not only the whole world, but your The RASH in particular, much more palatable.
Please, don’t drink and drive. Even Pepsi.
III. PERMISSION TO COPY, REPRODUCE OR REFERENCE
Permission is hereby NOT (and I repeat: NOT) given to reproduce any work on this site unless the following requirements, stipulations and provisos are met. If said conditions are not met, we just might sue (one never knows):
3.A: Other than quotations from small passages intended to review (preferably favorably) the content on this site (specific conditions to be enumerated in the Appendix below), all persons and or things, including but not limited to: AI (Artificial Intelligence) entities, robots, crawlers, drones, with the addition of any other creatures or things (as well as any evolved bio-organisms and/or mechanical organisms, whether organic, mechanical, conceieved, not conceieved, or ill-conceived) and/or any entity, unit or thing whatsoever, are prohibited from using, copying, sharing, loaning, renting, showing, just-between-you-and-me kind of whispering, broadcasting, narrowcasting, selling, over-the-back-fence talking about, gossiping about, embellishing, recreating, using-as-the-basis-for-any-kind-of-fictional-work, informing, acquainting, ratting, relating, fibbing, inventing, storing, and/or transmitting any and all content, including but not limited to (or by), the following means: e-mail (including, but not limited to: forward, reply, reply-all, CC, BCC, spam, mass email, subscribed email), text, SMS, FAX, teletype, top-secret NSA-type stuff, snail mail (i.e. USPS), word-processing document, typewritten on paper, hand-written (cursive and/or block print), copied, scribed, stenotype, court-recorder thingy, hieroglyphics for crying out loud, text-to-speech, audio transcription or recording, mass transit, Emergency Broadcast System, anything typed on any kind of keyboard (including, but not limited to: Royal, IBM Selectric, computer, pad, iPad, iPhone, any phone whatsoever, any and all other QWERTY keyboards, Steinway; any grand, baby grand, upright, spinnet or any other kind of musical keyboard), electronic highway reader-board, executive fiat or directive by any Head of State or Monarch or, for that matter, any person at all, Congressional Mandate or Bill, in fact any kind of Bill (including, but not limited to: Maher, Cosby, Clinton, Tell, Shatner, ings [MT], or Bills passed by the Congress of the United States, and/or any of its States or territories), 8mm, 9mm, Divine Intervention, Divine Revelation (so-called), iTunes, lectures from your parents, in-house newsletters, old-school newspapers, scolding from a teacher or coach, Royal Decree (this one is courtesy of the Department of Redundancy Department), note left on a windshield, 8-track tape, cassette, cell phone, singing, poem, sing-a-gram, jumbo-tron, TED lecture, sonar, radar, voicemail, home phone answering machine, any form of messaging on any website (including, but not limited to Facebook, MySpace, Pinterest, Twitter, xxx.com, weatherchannel.com, letmepinchyourtits.com, Instagram, Flickr, ), reel-to-reel, holographic representation, Wikipedia article, Constitutional Amendment, video reenactment, walkie-talkie, iPhone, Adroid, Samsung Galaxy 7 (good luck with that), any other brand of cellphone, CB radio, AM, FM (or PM for that matter), Ham Radio, television (i.e.: TV, including, but not limited to old-school tube-style, flat screen, plasma, 1080i, UHF, VHF, HD, network, dish &/or satellite, cable, 4K, 8K—hell: any-K) any other number before a letter, any and all television networks (local, cable or other), telephone taps, DVD, VHS, Beta, Blu-Ray™, reel-to-reel (did I mention that already?), LP, 45, cylinder recording, any kind of thing related to cell phones or the cellphone network, intercom and/or PA, any and all other ways or means—including but not limited to: blog, snopes.com, sticky-notes (I think I may have mentioned that one already too), subliminal messaging, telephones, Lego® formations, nuclear bombs, dogsled, Ouija® board, message in the snow made with one’s pee-stream, pony express, satellite pictures, rail, transubstantiation, impressionistic paintings, mimeograph, all/any forms of art (including, but not limited to: all manner of paintings [including finger], sculpture, 3-D [including, but not limited to renders], 3-D printing, music, YouTube, opera, velvet “Elvis-type” works, any musical composition or instrumentation [including, but not limited to: piano, timpani, full orchestra, barbershop quartet, harp, violin, trumpet, organ (including, but not limited to: skating rink organ, church organ, et al) triangle, oboe, recorder, cymbals, blocks, zither, cheap computer keyboard, et al], UPS® (or any other courier or package-delivery service, including but not limited to: FedEx®, DHL®, TNT®, Flying Tigers®), verbal storytelling or oral history, any airline (cargo, passenger, or private), any nationalized postal service, any extra-terrestrial means at all (including, but not limited to satellites and/or any other space transport), land lines, military transport from (or to) any nation (or any future governmental organisms what haven’t even been thought-a yet), or from (or to) any multi-governmental organizations (including, but not limited to: The United Nations, OAS, NATO, CRAG, Tri-Met, Muni, Metro, all other districts and any government entity of any kind, the ASPCA, NAAPC, UNESCO, all US states [individually and/or collectively, as well as joint, including—but not limited to—regional state organizations]) as well as any State diminuative (county, parish, municipality (city), borrough, burrow, boro, village, town, township, etc.), any and all neighborhood associations, HOAs, any biologic transportation system, any airborne or other means of germicide warfare (and/or means of any kind relating to nanites or cellular transmission), the Internet and/or World Wide Web, molecular transference, advertisement, written article, telegram, smile-a-gram, telepathic or empathic means, note in a bottle, alien phasers, genetic messaging, all sporting events, Terran phasers, NGOs, lasers, virus of any kind (whether now known or not), seconds (regarding any meal), interpretive dance, thought, quoted works of anyone/everyone, instant messaging, Vulcan mind melds [you think this is funny don’t you—and yet this license isn’t anywhere near as long as the actual real ones you agree to all the time and then click on "AGREE"], Betazoid “feelings,” Google Earth, Uber and/or Lyft, ChristianMingle.com®, the “telephone” game that was frequently played in grade school, Transporter beam, TransWarp Drive, SubSpace transmission, Lt. Uhura’s personal diaries, random-frequency shifting beams, inter-mural stuff, murals, ray-guns, gay-runs, time-shifts, worm holes, Broadway production —well, if it gets to Broadway, I’d like a cut, so scratch that one, Full-length movie, book deal —oops… Ditto with the ix-nay on the oovie-may and ook-bay; I’d like substantial remuneration for anything that actually makes money. That said, no production whatsoever may be made (or even thought-a) unless or until the curator of this site (The Rash ), Jacques Nechques Himself, agrees to the terms. And believe me, the terms will be quite favorable to yours truly (the aforementioned luminary, Jacques Nechques). Also expressly prohibited: any other thing that I haven’t thought of yet, but may plan on including in the future. In addition, anything I forgot to list that I wanna list is also prohibited and strictly verboten (that's German).
3.B: NOR may anyone or anything (real, artificial, created, evolved, or imagined) reproduce any portion—yeah, surely not the entirety—of this disclaimer, in whole or divided into any section herein (din't I already say that?), without the express, written and autographed permission of Jacques Nechques (or at least his non-pseudonymic reality).
3.C: With respect to the above verbiage, no reproduction of this work, and/or any part of this work, including but not limited to EVERYTHING on this website, is allowed by anyone, under any circumstances, when such usage in any way conceivable disparages the City of Gresham and its community at large (and/or any of its legal residents), Multnomah County (and/or any of its legal residents), the sovereign State of Oregon (and/or any of its legal residents), the sovereign United States of America (and/or any of its legal citizens), or any legal residents/citizens of the entities referenced in this paragraph. Further, no dispairagement may in any way be derived from the content of this site that might—in any way—implicate or even hint toward negative connotations of any member of Jacques Nechques' family (whether said family might be pseudonymic or actual), including, but not limited to, Jacques Nechques and/or his true [non-pseudonymic] self. Nor may you dispariage any member of Jacques' natural or adopted family, and/or his—or their—descendents or ancestors.
3.D: As regards the entire text of this here document, all references to gender shall be interchangeable. No weight shall by any means be placed on gender nouns, pronouns or personal pronouns. Thus: he, she, him, her, they, yous, fuckers, them, ya'll, those, idiots, etc., et al... all of these examples—as well as any other conceivable pronouns—will serve to only reference a person—without regard to gender (unless gender is obviously relevant, and intended to apply to the meaning). No gender references shall otherwise make any substantial difference regarding personhood. Move along.
3.E: The above paragraph notwithstanding, brief references to criminals and low-lifes who might dwell (or appear to dwell) within the above-referenced governmental and/or civic entities may be allowed (with prudence), provided such criminals and/or low-lifes are properly identified as unwelcome and substandard members of said location/entity (community/governmentally-identified area). E.g., rapists, burglars, serial murderers, and the like... they must needs be labeled so that they are clearly identified as bad people—certainly not contributing members of society. Care should be exercised to ensure that said low-lifes are not treated as normal, welcome or upstanding citizens of said community.
3.F: The above verbiage and LICENSE NOTWITHSTANDING, NO reproduction of this work, of ANY Kind is allowed, unless the following statement, AND the author’s e-mail address and website URL are included with said work. Obviously, if you're gonna post this requried notice, you have to receive Jacques' WRITTEN approval first:
“References to The RASH of Gresham, Jacques Nechques and anything that pertains to same, have been okay’d by said entities or persons. Used by permission. This statement is in compliance with the restrictions Mr. Nechques himself has placed on his content. This statement is required, by Mr. Nechques, of Gresham, to be posted with anything that references him, ‘cuz it’s his intellectual property to begin with. No assumption shall be made on how to define Mr. Nechques’ “intellectual” property, but you can bet it’s prolly pretty intelligent. Relatively-speaking. The RASH of Gresham is great, as is Jacques Nechques. Visit www.therash.today today!”
Conditions under which small (favorable) quotations may be culled from the contents of this website (all conditions must be met):
A.1: After having recieved written or otherwise official-looking permission from Jacques Nechques himself, signed, sealed and delivered (by any verifiable means).
A.2: All quotations (and even abstract references for crying out loud) must not be taken out of context. An example might be, “Jacques said ‘shoot him!’” where the reader would be led to conclude that yours truly was ordering someone to be shot, yet in all actuality the complete quote would more accurately be conveyed as, “Jacques said, ‘I didn’t want the perp to shoot him, so I dove, tackled, and all-around apprehended said bad guy, becoming an instant hero.’”
A.3: Said lifting of quotations—or anything for that matter—must be favorable to Jacques Nechques, his assigns, his true non-pseudonymic self, his relatives (living or dead), friends (living or dead), and Gresham, Oregon in general and specifically. Aditionally, the USA should be shown as good, unless there's a conspiracy.
A.4: Only if Jacques likes it.
A.5: Okay, you can quote very small passages, provided you reference The RASH of Gresham, and include the following URL: www.therash.today. Said quote must be for the enjoyment of others only. You don’t need written permission for this condition, provided Jacques would like it.
A.6: Feel free to LINK to our site, or any page on The RASH, unless you’re a porn site, and/or are racist, sexist, or any other bad thing.
A.7: If any (individually, collectively, without regard to order) of the above conditions are not met, you’re in trouble.
Conditions under which any quotation or text may NOT be culled from this website and/or its contents:
B.1: For political gain ("commentary" or otherwise), unless said comment is in line with Jacques’ wishes (See Appendix A.1, above, just to be sure.).
B.2: To either (or even attempt to) prove or disprove the existence of God Himself.
B.3: If said lifted-text depicts Jacques as: stupid, bimbo-esque, dumb, uninformed, redundant (unless specifically authorized by the Department of Redundancy Department), ignernt, douchebaggy, mean, selfish, crabby, old, fat (regardless of the facts), liberal, libertarian, conservative (see me on this one), socialist, communist, confederatory, predatory, obfuscatory, deceptive (including, but not limited to: lying-between-his-teeth, less than forthright, misleading, or specious), lazy, guilty, unfriendly, depressed, poor, a user of those vanity-driven teeth-whitening strips, tone-deaf, unhealthy, transitory, pedophilic, dyslexic, dysxelic, ethnic, being gripped with any phobia (including, but not limited to: claustrophobia, acrophobia, homophobia, agoraphobia, triskaidekaphobia, arachnophobia, clitoraphobia, lycra-phobia (or any other aversion to any textile or fabric) and any other phobia he actually might be afflicted wif, but is not willing to admit [whether actual or not]), a bad driver, judgmental (except when circumstances obviously warrant), OCD, liking Brussels Sprouts, having zits (truth notwithstanding), is (or ever has been) a victim of alien abduction (including, but not limited to: acts of penetration by said aliens, brainwashing, memory-loss, or any kind of alien experimentation or interaction of any kind), ever even seen a UFO, conflict-averse, justice-averse, averse-averse (whatever the heck that might even be), not a coffee-lover, caffeine-addicted, alcoholic (or even with the slightest alcohol “problem”), dependent on any drugs of any kind (whether over-the-counter, under-the-counter, under-the-table, prescription, veterinary, purchased in an alleyway, or any other kind of medicine or drug), a person who makes lane changes without signaling, dysfunctional, confusing the uses of "there, they're & their", bad at the maths, bad at the baths, from Bath (of France, or any other country), not really good at grammar or speling, having toenail fungus [truth notwithstanding], not a native Oregonian, not a lover of Oregon, not a person who has sung the National Anthem in the Rose Garden for the Portland Trail Blazers in March of 2007, hating chocolate, loving liver, being immoral, and any other bad thing (including, but not limited to: being a murderer, sociopath, neuropath, osteopath, naturopath), including, but not limited to being a criminal, whether a perp of a felony or any lesser (or greater?) crime (including, but not limited to: shoplifting, Contempt of Congress, getting a parking ticket, plagiarism [some of the items in this very article notwithstanding], guilty of any of the Seven Deadly Sins [truth notwithstanding] in violation of any of the Ten Commandments [truth notwithstanding], transporting contraband over state lines, mutilation of a corpse, using “your” when “you’re” is correct, manslaughter [of any kind] and/or mail fraud, femail fraud).
B.4: If it isn’t true. Jacques Nechques—since he’s the webster and author of this site after all—will be the sole arbiter of “truth” and all its iterations.
B.5: If said information was obtained from a priest, legal counsel, healthcare professional (or amateur) [including but not limited to: LPC, LMT, Psychiatrist (MD), Psychologist (PhD), any other kind of PhD, any other kind of MD, MS, EMT, DVM, DMD, RN, JD, DDS, ASPCA, FDNY, some guy at a healthcare fair booth, DO, OD, DA, Dude, Dudette], personal counselor (including but not limited to: psychologist, bar tender, Deanna Troi, ASE mechanic, MSW, pediatrician (MD, again), OBGYN, AFSCME worker, Teamster, AF of L-CI of O person, FACS, tax preparer (licensed or not), A.S.C. (movie-making types), TGIF, NGO, BYOB or any other confessee. (Lemme tell you right now: the priest one is not likely to happen.)
B.6: If Jacques doesn’t like it.
All of the above verbiage notwithstanding (and withstanding for that matter), if you don't agree to the above terms, too late. You're already here, accessing, enjoying, reading and/or otherwise using our site. Sorry bub. By simply reading this stuff, you've already given your consent. That's how these things work.
In addition, you’ve just wasted prolly 30 minutes (or more) of your life, depending on your reading speed.
© 2015, 2016, Stardate 49367.3, Infinity and Beyond, The RASH of Gresham, Jacques Nechques, and his true non-pseudonymic self.