Recommended number of wine glasses before reading this letter:
Dear The RASH,
Your cutsie little "Recommended number of wine drinks" notations at the top of your stories demean people who suffer from alcoholism. The practice of posting these cutsie little wine glasses is insensitive, rude, and uncaring. Do you have any idea how many people in the world suffer from this disease? Yet there you are, recommending that people imbibe—and often quite a bit—in order to "wash down" your cutsie little diatribes.
It is certainly not disputed that people need to drink in order to appreciate your cutsie little website. However, you don't have to flaunt it in front of God-and-everyone. Perhaps you should consider another line of work—one where people don't have to be drunk to appreciate your efforts.
Sober in Rockwood
• • • • •
Squeeze me, but alcoholism has been legal in the US, ever since the 21st Amendment was rectified. Our booze recommendations are totally within the constraints of the law, here. Further, lots of Californians visit this site, and everyone knows most people from the Golden State start in before noon. I can't help who my fans are.
And 'sides—you have no idea what kind of pressure we @ The RASH of Gresham are under to present, every week (often twice weekly) a polished, glossy, professional-grade website. It takes us quite a few drinks just to turn on the damn computer, not to mention getting lubed up enough to write this stuff. Let me assure you: If we didn't practice what we preach (the wine thing), you'd probably not have made it past our (creatively-designed, artsy, historic, symbolic and quite graphic) masthead on our Home page. Most likely, you would have quickly clicked away to some other site, like, perhaps THIS one. Or, maybe THIS one. [Yeah, we know you better'n you thought, huh Rocky? Don't mess.]
So, since you stuck around long enough to get perturbed with us (incidentally, violating one of our website Policies [read further]), we consider our efforts a success, and the investment in our subscription to the Wine of the Month Club well worth the money. (You might want to consider a similar subscription, honey. A bit of wine goes a long way. The Board of your RASH firmly believes that if you had had a few before you applied fingertips-to-keyboard in the commissioning of your weak, complaining, sniveling email, you most likely would have thought better of it before you pressed the SEND button.)
Perhaps you should get a job in (and move to) some teetotaling state like Utah, where they can't even drink, like, caffeine. Try that on, missy. [Yeah, it's true: Most people who disparage alcoholics have no problem with their own addiction to caffeine. What's with that? Take a look in the mirror, Rocky, and you'll likely see a vision of the Mermaid.]
Further, the oxymoronic nature of the cutsie little moniker you made up notwithstanding (Sober in Rockwood?), you have grossly failed to understand the importance of the multi-billion dollar grape/wine industry. If people stopped drinking (often to excess), methinks it's entirely possible that the world's entire economy would crumble within, well, minutes prolly.
Which begs the question: What kind of socialist are you? So, you're saying you don't support the Free Market?
Since that seems obvious, and since you have certainly violated The RASH of Gresham's Policy Number EIGHT, I invite you to jiggle your tight little heiny over to some other website. You obviously have better things to do than be elucidated as to the realities of the actual universe.
Jacques Nechques, CEO, CFO, CIO, EIEIO,
The RASH of Gresham