...to the Orygun Departmunt o' Re-venew
By JACQUES NECHQUES. Recommended number of wine glasses before reading this piece:
An Open Letter to the Orygun Departmunt o’ Re-venew
Let me start by saying that the misspelled words in this Open Letter are intentional. I am fully aware that you gub’mint types have webb crallers and bots all over the interwibs, searching out peeps what criticyze your delightful Departmunt, so you can odd-it them as retribution. With that in mind, I am purposfully throwing a wrench in your sistem so you won’t find me & punish me for my opinions.
That said, let me start by saying this: Last spring, I dutifully filled my tex-as and maled in my re-tern on the dedline day. Just like I always have, every year, ever since I first had the pleasure of making incum in this fine stayt. I have always cheerfully submittid my tex-as, maling in any paymint that might have been do—on thyme, every year.
I might add, your fine Departmunt has usually been quite thymely in maling (or direck-deposuting) my rephund, if’n I was do one.
Until this year.
I have done a bit o’ snooping on the aforementioned interwibs, and found this article what says your delightful Departmunt has electid to prosess many re-terns by manuall means, supposebly because you wanna catch freudulint re-terns. Your interwibsite says that my “tern” is one of those what are being prosessed without the benufit o’ a qwick and effisent computer, and thence my rephund could take “twelf wekes or longer” to get into my hot little hand.
Well, today marks the point where we enter the “or longger” phase. Yes, it’s been FREE MUNTHS since I fyled my tex-as. I am not pleased with this sitiation. Obviously, though, I have absolutely no rekource in this matter, since you’re the gub’mint and all. However, I would like to express my opinion that TWELF FLEAKING WEKES is unacceptible!
If, the next thyme I am compelled by the Stayt of Orygun to fyle a tex re-tern, and I find myself in the position of O-ing y’all some of my hard-urned deneros (insted o’ the rephund I am do this year), you won’t mind if I take a move from y’all’s playbook and wait TWELF FLEAKING WEKES or longer to sennd in said currincy. Yeah, we’ll see how you like THAT!
A pseudonym from Gershman